REVrant 37.4 - A Conversation About Modest Clothing

After church yesterday, Jan and I had a wonderful conversation with some friends who have three teenage daughters.  In the course of the conversation – with the three daughters very much involved – the subject of “modest clothing” came up.  They planned to go shopping for a prom dress for one of their daughters yesterday afternoon, and raised the issue of how difficult it is to find “modest clothing” for their daughters.

I was greatly encouraged to hear that the parents care about such things.  And doubly encouraged that the daughters care!  In fact, I complimented them for the way they were dressed at that moment.

The issue of modest clothing for women is a biblical issue – I Timothy 2:9 – “Also the women are to dress themselves in modest clothing, with decency and good sense, not with elaborate hairstyles, gold pearls, or expensive apparel.”

Of course, the raging debate is over the definition of “modest.”  In our Victoria Secret, short-short, “tarted up” sartorial world of females, the quest for modest apparel, seems archaic and irrelevant to many, I’m sure.  But is it?  Or should we expect that godly women, whether young or old, would be diligent in their search for clothing that meets a godly standard – whether it’s the fashion trend or not.

I’d love to hear what women have to say about this.  I know what men think…

Comments

[Jill]

One of my concerns for my daughter as she ages is the issue of modest clothing. I really think that the best way to help our daughters in that area is to talk about the issue when they are young and then continue to talk about it. One thing my parents did was to always shop for clothing with my sister and me. I can remember swim suit shopping with my mom and hearing "your Dad won't let you out of the house in that!" And I don't believe he would have!! So it was back to the dressing room to find one more appropriate. There's a great book out there for teen girls called "For Young Women Only" that specifically addresses the modesty issue by explaining the male mind. It was a real eye opener for our former youth gals, and it did motivate then to choose modesty.

[Anna Thorne]

I don't think it's all that hard to stay modest. It can be tricky yes, but it's not impossible. Things like spaghetti strap tanks and camis can easily be worn over a tshirt and still look cute, and the layering look is in right now anyway. Jeans can be difficult, because I personally don't find the high rise jeans at all comfortable but some of the lower rises are just too low. That problem can be solved by wearing longer tops (or a longer top under a shorter one) and just being careful. When I bought a dress for my senior banquet in high school, it had a cut out in the back that went a little more than halfway down the length of my torso. It was pretty, but maybe a little too open so my mom and I took my dress to Joann's and found a matching sheer fabric, then doubled up a piece of it and sewed it along one side of the cutout and used a hook and eye to attach it on the other side once I had the dress on. It was inside the dress of course, and I thought that the dress looked just as pretty with the extra fabric as it had without. I think the hardest thing for girls is having the strength to ignore shirts that are super cute but just too tight, since that's not something that can be easily fixed. Staying modest would be easier if we heard more from younger guys on the topic, because too often the only lectures we get are from adults (often female) about certain lengths that are appropriate rather than taking a look at the reasons behind modesty. Not every specified length works for every body type--the same pair of shorts could be too short on a taller girl but look fine on a shorter girl. I think that modesty is too often approached as something that girls have to do so that we don't look attractive to guys at all, when really it's a courtesy that we should be happy to provide to help the guys in our lives not be attracted to us in the wrong way. More emphasis needs to be placed on the fact that "modest" doesn't mean "not cute", and on the reasons behind modesty rather than on the rules and lengths and legalistic aspects of it.

[Sandy]

Anna,
I so appreciate your comments, since you are a part of the younger generation....Our 19 year old daughter, Alese struggles with the lack of modesty in clothing. She often says that it's difficult to find clothes that are still feminine that are also modest. She will not wear low tank tops...tries to find ones that are not and she also shys away from the skin tight jeans. She like Anna buys the longer shirts so her stomach doesn't show. She is so thankful that the longer shorts are back in style.
We live in a day and age where less is more when it comes to clothing...how sad!! Our son, Adam who is now 22 has said many times over the years that the way girls dress is a constant struggle and temptation for him. He is committed to sexual purity, but he admits that the provocative way many young girls dress(might I add, older women as well...ugh!!) is a stumbling block for him and his friends. Sadly, I don't see much difference in the way Christian girls dress vs. non- Christian girls :-(

[Lisa]

One of the biggest battles in my head is the false idea that clothes and makeup alone make a woman beautiful. No they don't, and I've felt ugly in new, expensive, stylish outfits. What helps is the understanding that beauty is a heart issue. The more my heart rests in God's love, the less I struggle with the issue of how I look. The less I struggle, the easier it is to think clearly and shop wisely. It's not just a struggle for teen girls. It's a struggle for all women.

[mary]

I think that modesty in that verse refers to not calling attention to oneself with the way we dress...like "look at me and all my expensive designer clothes and jewelry..." Now we decide if something is "modest" by the area it covers up. So what is the godly standard? Believe me,having a couple of adult children and a few more to go, it has been an ongoing search for that standard.Do we enact the old no shorts shorter than fingertip length rule? Hmmm that one would have made the Puritans faint with shame.Or we could go with burkas? If we really worried about causing men to stumble then we would not wear swimsuits at all!My what a can of worms!

[Anna Thorne]

True, swimsuits are a tricky issue....even a lot of one-pieces have funky cut-outs or high cut leg openings, which is why I opted for a tankini that covers my stomach and has boyshorts on the bottom. I think the important thing with swimsuits is to think about where you spend your time in them--I know that many girls like to tan in theirs, but if I have my swimsuit on I am in the pool or walking to or from it--and then I have a towel or something too.